#incorrect iliad

[little-cereal-draws]

Diomedes: Agamemnon just hates our strategy ideas because he’s homophobic

Odysseus:

Odysseus: we’re not gay, Diomedes

Diomedes: we’re not?

[belovedofhektor]

I would have liked to have been able to fall in love with Hektor and raise Scamandrius with neither the threat nor presence of war

AU where paris is just a little less of a dumbass

[incorrecthomer]

[at Achilles's funeral] Agamemnon: *places his hand on the pyre and sobs* Agamemnon: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

[kingofsparta]

uhh so who topped? you did right?

In The Means Of Hector, No

In The Means Of Paris, Yes.

[katerinaaqu]

Athena: Food for thought...

Tydeus: *munching Melanippus's brain* Hm...Ok

Athena: ...

Athena: NO!

*a few years later*

Odysseus: Food for thought!

Athena: *suspicious side look*

[sonofthegreat]

at least, unlike @neoptolemus-son-of-achilles, you aren't getting harassed by 🐀 anon ( @the-rat-anon ) (yes, i'm summoning the rat)

This sounds terrible I feel like you've brought something upon me

[vibinginmountolympus]

How their first meeting actually went-

Patroclus : Hi I'm patroclus and you are?

Achilles : in love with you

[parisofdattroy]

Hello Paris! -Cassandra

hello sister! How are you?

[o3o-lapd-o3o]

athena dealing with odysseus & diomedes over the 10 years at troy

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Achilles: See I'm straight but if there was a man I would marry it'd be Patroclus.

Briseis: How do you feel about that, Pat?

Patroclus:

Patroclus: It's not helping with the rumors.

Briseis: I think the kiss you guys shared in my tent isn't helping with the rumors.

Achilles: Yeah I just hate that he didn't give me enough tongue.

[mytho-maniac-108]

Greek army: *breathes*

Nestor: Back in my day-

[hekioftroy]

Hi, Heki :)

-Young Menelaus

King Menelaus? Mhh..what brings you here so late? Does your wife not..acquire your company that you give it to me during the night? I must say...Sparta has been wonderful so far...so different from Troy. I do miss it though.

[chilaquilesheel]

Inspo under the cut!

Please tag the artist if you find them! Unfortunately i forgot to save their @

Do not repost, reblogs are appreciated though!

[lineaup]

Book X of The Iliad be like:

Diomedes: You are asking me to choose? Anyone I want? Well of course I will choose my buddy Odysseus! He is so cool, and so smart, and amazing, and this, and that, and he is so.. Odysseus: Diomedes.. Diomedes I think they understand—

[kingofsparta]

@parisofdattroy Paris, dear, look at it! 😄

[little-cereal-draws]

These three because I love this ship so much

*Penelope and Diomedes flirting with each other yet again* Odysseus: And you two are sure you're not dating? Penelope: 100%. Diomedes: Of course not! Why would you think that? Odysseus: I wonder why that possibility would even cross my mind, Diomedes. I fucking wonder.

-

Diomedes: Two years ago, I married my best friend. Diomedes: Penelope is still mad about it, but me and Odysseus were drunk and thought it was funny. -

Odysseus: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? Penelope: Yes? Odysseus: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. Penelope: Fuck. Odysseus: It's gonna be a fun week! Penelope: I'm going to Diomedes's house. Odysseus: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker. -

Penelope: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication. Diomedes: It’s my turn to cuddle Odysseus. Penelope: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT! -

Diomedes: H-how do you ask someone out? Odysseus: Well, first- Penelope: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot. Diomedes: ...And you said yes? -

*Odysseus is telling a story* Penelope: Wow, Odysseus, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance! Diomedes: Romance? Penelope: I'm in love with him. -

Penelope, holding a rock: Diomedes just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Odysseus: If you don't marry him, I will. -

Diomedes: It's pretty cold outside... wanna hold hands? We should stay close. Odysseus, blushing: Okay. Penelope: It's fucking summer. -

Odysseus: If I say I love you, will you say it back? Diomedes: Yes. Odysseus: I love you. Diomedes: It back. *Later* Penelope: Why is Odysseus crying face-down on the floor? -

Penelope: Ooh, somebody has a crush Odysseus: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Diomedes. I just think he's cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Odysseus, very much awake: Uh oh. -

Penelope: Did Diomedes just tell me he loved me for the first time? Odysseus: Yeah, he did. Penelope: And did I just do finger guns back? Odysseus: Yeah, you did. -

Penelope: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Diomedes. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Diomedes! Odysseus: Nope. Penelope: In that case, as the archbishop of Odysseus's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Diomedes right on the lips!!! -

Odysseus: Thank you all for coming. Penelope, wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here. Odysseus: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck Odysseus Task Force". Diomedes: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way. -

Odysseus: *looking through his closet* Has anyone seen my top? Diomedes: Penelope’s in the kitchen. -

Diomedes: *sucking on a popsicle* Penelope: Pfft, you practicing for when Odysseus gets here? Diomedes: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle* Penelope: *Concern* -

Diomedes: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look? Odysseus: Like its slips on and off really easily. Diomedes: Odysseus: No, I didn't mean it like that- Penelope: We know what you meant. -

Penelope: Can you please just apologize to Diomedes? Odysseus: Fine, but I have to warn you that this may make me a nicer, better person and that is not who you feel in love with. -

Diomedes: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted. Odysseus: I’m “a couple of things”. Penelope: I’m “got distracted”. *Penelope and Odysseus high five* -

Penelope: That shirt looks great, Odysseus. Odysseus: Thanks. Penelope: But I bet it would look even better on Diomedes's floor. Diomedes: Are you hitting on Odysseus... for me? -

Diomedes: Hey, Odysseus? Can I get some dating advice? Odysseus: Just because I'm with Penelope doesn't mean I know how I did it.